THE AFTERMATH OF BEING WITH A TOXIC MAN

The worst thing about being part of toxic relationship are those people who judge you or perceive you as a weak person. They perceive you as a person that has very little or no self-respect at all. They think you’re too much of a coward to save yourself. But they have no idea how it feels.

Everybody who has ever been there, everybody who has ever dealt with a toxic person in his life, knows how strong you actually must be to go through it all.

I refuse to be ashamed of myself. I refuse to allow anybody to perceive me as a weak person. Because I am a strong person.

It took a hell of a lot of strength to go through what I went through and stay alive. It took a hell of a lot of courage to survive the end and to be the last person standing. Yes, I am a bit bruised, but nobody has ever left a fight without a scratch.

In toxic relationships, you get broken day after day, but you also develop an incredible strength throughout the whole process.

In toxic relationships, you’ll hit rock bottom, but you’ll get up eventually.

Letting go is never easy, but you have to do it. Because letting go might not be easy, but holding on is much harder.

And you know what else is there that nobody ever talks about? People think once you’re out of the toxic relationship, it’s the end. But people are often wrong.

The after effect of a toxic relationship always remains for just a little longer.

God knows that in my case, the aftermath was as bad as the toxic relationship itself.

What nobody tells you is the fact that no matter how toxic your partner must’ve been, no matter how much pain you went through, no matter how relieved you felt when it ended, there is some love in the toxic relationship. And that love is what you hold onto. That love is the only thing that’s familiar to you.

And after a while, once you’ve become accustomed to that toxic kind of love, you think that the only love that is ‘right’ is the one similar to the one you felt before. Anything else you get feels wrong.

I had a hard time accepting normal love until I realized that all relationships aren’t filled with screaming and fighting and making each other feel bad or even miserable.

But the lessons you learn in life always kick in late. They are never on time. You have to push a few good people away just like I did before you realize what you’re doing. And you push them away not because you don’t want them, but because you don’t know how to handle them.

You push good people away because you’re afraid of that unknown feeling you get when somebody treats you the way you deserve. You also push good people away because no matter how much you wish to see your old love in them, you’re still scared that what you wish for might happen. Paradoxical and completely messy, but that’s the aftermath of being with a toxic person.

But, a toxic love isn’t a valid reason for you to fear new love.

It takes time to overcome what you’ve been through and to purify your blood from all the toxins, and you’ll probably be mad that it takes so long, but you’ll also need to find patience. Because it will hurt, but it won’t hurt forever. The past will torment and haunt you, but it won’t last forever.

And then you’ll learn to accept normal love. You’ll welcome somebody who’ll choose to cherish you and see things from your perspective instead of crucifying you. You’ll see that there wasn’t an L out of love you thought you had with your toxic partner.

You’ll realize that you needed to go through hell so you could be ready for heaven. You needed to be with a toxic person so you could know the value of those who are treating you how you deserve.

And no matter how late the lessons you learned kicked in, you’ll be thankful that they showed up at all. You’ll thank God you didn’t get what you wanted—that he didn’t fix what was broken. Because instead of answering your prayers, he made you realize that you deserve much more.

Because instead of getting what you wanted, you got what you needed.

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